Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
