oh god the rape fog is back!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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