My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
