if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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