i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
