So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
