She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
