I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
