I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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