I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
