I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
