there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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