I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
