I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
