There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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