dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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