quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
