Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
