just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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