I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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