Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she looked like the before picture.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
