the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
