he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
