At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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