i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
there is puke in my bra ... again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
