The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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