you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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