That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
