So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
