im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
