So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
