I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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