Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize