The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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