your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
