I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
