So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
