She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
