Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
