Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
