He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
