Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
