Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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