apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
