I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
