she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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