I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
