Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just invented taco cereal.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
