I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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