he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
