drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i now understand why vodka
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
