Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
