Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
