Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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