Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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