Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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