Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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