Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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