Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
