Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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