We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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